Making Sure A Break-Up Doesn’t Break You

Break-ups are never easy. Someone always gets hurt and the pain can be very agonizing. The break-up may not even just hurt one person, it could be both people, and even their friends. Especially when the breakup is recent, it can be very hard to deal with. The important part of break-ups — in my opinion the hardest part — is figuring out what went wrong and learning something new from the experience.

Break-ups happen for many reasons, and they can be very sudden. They can happen because someone has lost interest, someone has found someone new, someone is not emotionally available or ready for a relationship, someone is toxic for the other, someone needs to take a step back, someone feels emotionally manipulated, someone isn’t thinking clearly, and many other reasons.

As much as someone may try to excuse the other person for the break-up, we can’t excuse the fact that the break-up has happened and the relationship is over. When someone says that they are moving on with their feelings, you need to do the same, no matter how much you want to try to hold on.

I’ve personally been through this, but instead, I was the one who broke up with the other person. It was my first real relationship, I was still learning, and making a lot of mistakes too. I instantly regretted my decision and I asked him to take me back, but it didn’t work out. For a long time, I was hung up on him and I wished that he would develop feelings for me again. One day, I woke up and realized that it was over, the book was closed, the chapter ended, he was over me, and I needed to move on too.

Even though it was very hard and painful, I got over him. During that time, I realized that I had wasted so much of my time still chasing after him, I could’ve found someone new rather than allow myself to be upset about the break-up. I learned a lot of lessons from that break-up. Here are a few:

• You need to love yourself before you can love someone else.
• Think about what you’re doing thoroughly before you do it.
• When it’s over, it’s over.
• You can’t make excuses for yourself, no matter what.

These lessons are very valuable to me because they helped me become a better person.

Now, just because you’ve dated someone before and you broke up, doesn’t mean it’s over forever. The past is the past, people grow and change from it. Even though we shouldn’t look back on the past too much, you still need to remember the lessons you’ve learned.

For example, let’s say that you dated someone who got into a lot of trouble and you’d sometimes get dragged into it. You broke up with them because you needed to leave the toxic and unhealthy situation. After the break-up, you lose contact and don’t talk for a while. Several months go by, and you start talking again. They seem nice and more mature now, but that doesn’t mean that you should try to date them again. Just because someone seems different, it doesn’t mean that they’ve completely changed. You need to remember that they got you into trouble and got into a lot of trouble on their own. Sure, you can be friends again, but I would still be cautious of them until they prove to you that they’ve left that trouble-filled life behind.

When you go through a break-up, you might go through some emotional pain of some kind. You might feel like there is something wrong with you, like no one will ever love you again, like you aren’t worth it or aren’t enough, like the universe hates you, or some other terrible things.

First of all, you are worth it, you are enough, and you are an amazing person. The world doesn’t hate you, that person you are thinking of just can’t understand what they’re missing out on. That being said, I wouldn’t ignore the fact that the relationship ended for a reason, and it could be because of something that you did. I’d make sure that you work on whatever needs work.

If you are feeling that negativity, you need to turn off your mind before you start making yourself feel worse about everything. You need to distract yourself from the situation with something. Whatever you choose to do, it needs to be something that makes you happy.

I’ve found that spending time with good people, staying away from electronics, and being outside in the beautiful nature are really good ways to distract myself. Doing things that I didn’t like or that were very solitary, like watching videos for long periods of time, sitting inside my room alone being sad, or other things like that, only made me feel worse. The goal is to feel better and avoid making everything worse.

Spending time with people (especially now with Covid), isn’t easy, but it can be very beneficial to your mental health. When you are with someone, it allows you to distract yourself from all the lonely thoughts you feel and make you feel like you’re cared about. Especially with close family members and friends, you’ll start to feel better because they will support you through the rough times in the way that you need to be supported. Even though their way of supporting you may not be the way that you wanted them to support you, they know what is best for you and what you need to hear.

When trying to find a way to spend time with someone, you don’t have to meet in person. You could video chat, text, call, or play video games with someone online, and still be with them. Even when you are in person, try to avoid talking about the break-up in general. The point of this is to move past it and not think about it in too much depth, not even to avoid it.

The deeper you think about the break-up, the worse you will feel. I guarantee when you look back on your relationship, there are plenty of things you will think you could’ve done better or plenty of things that you miss from the relationship. Thinking about those things will make you feel awful, so you need to avoid those thoughts until you have gotten over the other person.

Choosing to stay alone during times like this can be very unhealthy. When you are alone, it can be very easy to become immersed in your thoughts and then you’ll start falling into the mindset I just described. If you choose to stay alone, do something that will distract you and that is productive.

Avoiding electronics is very helpful when this happens for a lot of reasons. When you are just staring at a screen watching a video, playing video games, or browsing the web, you won’t feel accomplished, and if you’re someone like myself, you’ll end up feeling worse than you originally did. Sure, you can do some writing or reading on your devices, but you could also do that with paper or a physical book.

If you have social media, you need to avoid it as much as possible. You could feel tempted to do a lot of things that could make you feel worse (looking at their profile, trying to contact them, etc.) or that could hurt someone else (discussing your feelings while they are fresh and painful, or in a place that the other person may see). Social media is not a great place to communicate with people because it can get toxic very fast. If I had social media, I would just make one post just saying that you’re taking time away from social media, nothing more. You don’t need to tell everyone you’re going through something, it brings attention to yourself that you really don’t need. If you want to contact someone, just text them, don’t make a huge deal about what is going on. If you feel the need to inform everyone on your social media, wait until you are in a better place emotionally so that you don’t say something that you may regret.

Going outside is just a great thing to do no matter how you feel or what you’re going through. The beautiful nature that surrounds us is a great escape from the negativity that can be locked inside. Feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin, hearing the soft wind blowing, and taking everything in really helps you get a peace of mind about the whole situation.

Some great things that you could do outside could be to take a walk around your neighborhood, going to a park, playing a sport with friends, going for a walk with friends, riding a bike, and lots of other things. The great thing is that there is always something that you can do outside, you just have to figure out what works best for you.

If you are on the other end of the break-up, you need to be conscious of the other person. They may tell you that they are fine and that everything is good, but they could be lying to you. You never truly know what is going on with the other person. The best thing to do for them is to give them space and time. Of course, you may want to check on them, but when it’s new, give it a week or so.

Break-ups happen because you don’t have the feelings necessary for a relationship, so you need to remember that, both on the receiving and inflicting ends. If you really want those feelings to go away on the other end, you need to give the other some time to do so.

If you know someone who is going through a break-up, make sure that they feel supported and appreciated. In times like that, people can feel lonely and unloved, those feelings are hard to deal with, and even harder to get rid of. Put yourself in their shoes, and do what you would do if that person was you.

With all of these tips and tricks, you’ll be able to get through a break-up. A big thing that I would keep in mind while going through one; These things happen, it doesn’t mean you won’t ever find someone, you’ll find the person eventually, you just need to keep your hopes up and be patient. If you give up on ever finding love, you’ll only have yourself to blame in the end.

Just be who you are and I’m sure you’ll find the right person!